Marriage is not a zero sum game.
Why I think the Catholic view of justification makes more sense of Christianity as a religion that is a relationship
Remember all those times you heard or thought marriage was 50/50? If the husband does his half, and the wife does her half, then you’ll have a happy marriage.
It sounds really intuitive. 50%+50%=100%. Perfect marriage.
Here comes the not so perfect side of this intuitive relationship math.
If you give 50% of yourself to your spouse, then you get 50% of the time to fulfill your own desires. Leaves a lot of room for stupid, selfish, marriage destroying behavior.
Here’s another bad consequence of this 50/50 model. Who is able to so perfectly give half of themselves? Now, find two people to do that in the same relationship, and make it so the balance of the entire marriage is perfectly 50/50. Good luck. What happens in reality? Well, out of their 100% marriage pie, one spouse gives 70% and the other gives 30% for the first three years. Flip it around for the next three. Then, make it 90/10 for 5 years. You catch the drift. This mixture is a recipe for resentment and bitterness.
Here’s a third way it all goes wrong. Let’s pretend one of the people is perfect and can do everything all the way. 100%. They don’t need the other person to do anything. Is that a healthy marriage? It may survive, technically. But is “survive, technically” the ideal we’re shooting for when we use the term marriage? I think not.
There’s a name for all these ways of thinking: Zero Sum.
Think about a pie chart. To add to one slice is by definition to take away from another. That’s an example of zero sum thinking. It’s a really helpful way to think when sending money to someone on Venmo. Their bank account grows and by definition yours shrinks.
While it works for money, zero sum thinking is a really bad model for marriage relationships.
Here’s a common quote you’ll hear in response to a 50/50 marriage model:
“Marriage is not 50/50. Marriage has to be 100/100. It isn’t dividing everything in half, but giving everything you’ve got.”
Marriage is a relationship that consists of a union —a divine union (Matthew 19:6). They don’t stop being whole people and become half people when they get married. Two whole people are united. 100/100.
For the Christian, this concept shouldn’t be unfamiliar. Jesus is said to be both God and man. How does this work? Is he 50% God and 50% man? No, says the historic church. The Incarnation is the “marriage” of natures. He is fully God and fully man. 100/100.
The Bible is full of this mysterious math:
Therefore a man leaves his father and his mother and cleaves to his wife, and they become one flesh.
Genesis 2:24
Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ… husbands should love their wives as their own bodies… for no man ever hates his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, as Christ does the church, because we are members of his body. For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be jointed to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh. This mystery is a profound one, and I am saying that it refers to Christ and the church.
Ephesians 5:21–32
100 + 100 typically equals 200, but not in the case of marriage. One flesh. 100 + 100 = 100. Like the Incarnation, the “math” doesn’t make sense. It’s a profound mystery. Better get used to mysteries if you want to be a Christian — or, as I think most Christians would agree with, model a healthy, lifelong marriage.
Ok. I think we can all agree. The concept of Christian marriage is not a zero sum game.
Is it mysterious? Yes.
Is 100/100 a beautiful model for a marriage relationship? I think so.
Faith is never alone.
I often hear from my more Protestant leaning friends that Christianity is not a religion. They’ll emphasize that it’s a relationship — typically implying that the Catholic form of Christianity looks nothing like an actual relationship with Jesus.
Fair enough.
But let’s play that out with more than feelings or personal experiences. Let’s play out this religion versus relationship dichotomy with the doctrine that split the western church over 500 years ago.
Martin Luther’s formulation of justification by faith alone is the doctrine that fractured the church. It has been called “the article upon which the church stands or falls.” Kind of a big deal.
So, what was the Catholic position on justification that Luther rejected? There are a lot of ways to phrase the Catholic alternative, but let’s go with a succinct formulation from the apostle Paul, “faith working through love” (Galatians 5:6). James phrases it differently in the second chapter of his letter but is getting at the same idea — faith is active with works and completed by works (vs. 22). He even finishes the point by saying, “You see that a person is justified by works and not by faith alone.” Interestingly, that is the only time in the Bible the words “faith alone” are used together (Luther wasn’t a fan of James).
Slam dunk for the Catholic position, right? Not so fast say Protestants.
They’d passionately argue justification is by faith alone but faith is never alone. Works will necessarily be there. If by faith someone means just belief, even the demons have that. That faith isn’t good enough. The type of faith that is good enough is the type of faith that works. And if you don’t have the type of faith that works you never had the type of faith that justifies. That’s what James is talking about in chapter two!
Much blood has been spilled over this interpretive minutia.
At bottom, we can use some more math to quickly get at the difference between Catholic and Protestant versions of justification:
- Catholic Math: Faith + Works = Justification
- Protestant Math: Faith = Justification + Works
Notice a few things. The equations are not identical, but the required elements are. To be justified by God, says both Catholics and Protestants, you need faith and works. Take away works from the Catholic side and you don’t have justification. Take away works from the Protestant side and you don’t have justification.
So we can stop the misunderstanding that one side requires works and the other side doesn’t (unless you’re antinomian). Both Protestants and Catholics require works when they formulate their doctrines of justification.
The disagreement is ultimately about the location and implications of that pesky equal sign.
Balm or a Blanket
Justification is simply the word used to denote being made right with God. An analogy can help shortcut our way to understanding how Catholics and Protestants understand the process of justification differently.
Catholics describe justifying righteousness from Christ like a healing balm. It originates from Christ alone by grace alone, but, like a balm, becomes part of us. The righteousness of Christ is infused into us. Final saving righteousness is 100% in Christ and 100% in you. It’s in this way we are said to be “in Christ”.
Protestants describe justifying righteousness from Christ like a blanket. It originates from Christ alone by grace alone, but, unlike a balm, it remains separate or “alien” from us. The righteousness of Christ is legally imputed rather than transformationally infused. Final saving righteousness is 100% in Christ alone and 0% in you. It’s in this way we are said to be “in Christ”.
That’s the point of the pesky equal sign. That’s the point of Protestants putting faith all by itself.
Faith is left alone because the justifying righteousness attained through faith is alien and remains alien. We could never be actually made righteous enough. Covering us up — hiding us with a blanket — is the only option to avoid God’s wrath.
So, instead of actually being made righteous through Christ intrinsically when we meet the condition of having faith working through love, we are legally made righteous through Christ extrinsically when we meet the condition of having the right sort of faith that works.
Remember Paul’s words about the idea of marriage being a mysteriously profound reference to Christ and the church? Remember how marriage is not a zero sum game?
These math mysteries are built into the Christian faith because Christianity is not a zero sum religion. The Incarnation is not a zero sum doctrine. Christ and his church are not in a zero sum relationship, precisely in the same way two people becoming one flesh is not a zero sum union.
In a marriage with Christ, through a faith that works, we are mysteriously made into one flesh without losing our individual identities. A faith that works is our 100% commitment to God’s covenant. A faithfulness to his covenant is God’s 100% commitment to us.
It’s not 50/50.
It’s not 99/1.
And it’s not 100/0
The Christian religion is a relationship. 100/100.
And in my view, the Catholic doctrine of justification and salvation better captures that beautiful vision.
